My Gushy New Born

To My Gushy New Born,

You're almost a year now. 2 months and you'll be 1! I don't like that. You need to stop. Everyone told us "they grow like weeds, it's kind of scary". We laughed along with them. But I didn't realize that you would grow faster than any dandelion in a field. I blinked. Just a few times. And here we are. Getting closer and closer and I'm kind of going crazy. So we started in the present last time. Let's go back. Back to your birth. Don't worry. We didn't record it. And I won't give you the gory details. There are a few of those. But we'll jump over those bits.

I wanted a girl. We found out we were having a baby and I wanted a girl to dress up in frilly pink dresses and headbands. But I thought I would have a boy. I called you Vincent for the first part of the pregnancy. Your daddy didn't care either way. He just wanted a healthy baby. I told everyone "With every fiber of my being, I know we're having a boy." Then we did an ultrasound at 18 weeks to try and get a sneak-peek. It wasn't hard to see. You swung your little legs around and the Doctor chuckled.

"That's a girl."

"Are you sure?" I asked. I was more than shocked. No bow ties? No baby suspenders? No pee-pee tee-pees?

"Congratulations. It's a girl."

A girl! Just like I wanted! But we already had an Easter basket with the name Vincent on it...

Let me jump back a little further though. To when mommy was just 2 months pregnant. It was late at night. I'm a night owl and was up late. Daddy had already been asleep for several hours. My stomach was hurting really bad. I decided some chicken noodle soup would help. So I whipped up my soup, went to the other room to watch some TV and just try and relax. But then I started to bleed. Heavily. I rushed to the bathroom, my heart sinking as I saw the blood clot. I started crying, screaming for your daddy to come quick.

I called Grandma Maureen, not knowing what to do as your daddy held me. Grandma said to see a doctor when we could. Before we left, your daddy gave me a blessing. He told me everything would be ok. This may be hard to believe but I felt you. I felt your little spirit floating around. But I was so sad Mae. I really thought I had lost you. So we rushed to the ER. After several tests, they decided to do an ultrasound to try and see what the problem was that caused me to lose you.

Off we rolled, me still in tears. The ultrasound technician named Jenna, was very sweet and comforting. I couldn't look at the monitor. I didn't want to see the emptiness that I felt. But Jenna told me to look. And I did. Do you know what I saw? You. There you were. This little jellybean. Of course I cried more. You were alive. You were still there! She printed out a picture for me and I clung to that picture as much as I cling to you now. I showed your daddy and he was so happy. He held me and we both cried. We were overjoyed.

So, 7 months later, a pink room set up with pink hangers and pink jammies. We were ready. Well, sort of. I had a bag packed. We had diapers, wipes, and more diapers. I told your daddy "she's going to be an October baby. I can feel it!".

 Halloween night rolls around. And by this time, I was more than ready to be done. I couldn't sleep. Daddy was already asleep, as always. My stomach hurt really bad. But not the same kind of really bad as when you were my little jellybean. Around 4 AM, I woke your daddy up and said it's time to go. We grabbed the bag and drove to the Hospital.

Skipping over a whole lot of grumps, pulling hair, and screaming at a nurse to get me my epidural immediately (which I did not get by the way...), you were there. You didn't cry. You just kind of scrunched up. You weren't as happy as I was for you to be out. They set you on my tummy and started wiping you down. Oh how beautiful you were...

 Mae, you were perfect.

What a glorious little thing you were. Just as soon as I had you, they whisked you away to weigh and measure and do a whole bunch of other things. But I did get to see your daddy hold you. There you were, my gushy new born and my gushy husband. That moment...I'll never forget it. Ever. I fell in love with your father all over again. As he held you, tears came to his eyes. I could feel his heart beat faster as he witnessed the little miracle in his arms. You had barely been born 5 minutes and you had him wrapped around your chubby little finger. Daddy brought you over to me and I held you tight, crying as the three of us huddled together as a family for the first time. Our world was flipped upside-down.Our hearts were filled and had to quickly expand to make more room for the love that was growing more and more by the second.

Mae Neva Morrison

November 1st, 2013

Born at 8:34 AM

6 lbs. 10 oz. 

20 inches

Over the next few days, people came to visit. Nurses gushed over you. I was skeptical...Everyone says "oh what a beautiful baby!" Even to funky babies...Of course I swore up and down you were beautiful. So I grilled the nurses to make sure they were telling the truth and not just what I wanted to hear.

Your eyes were a little swollen but goodness you were adorable! Daddy and I couldn't get enough of you! And you were all ours. Time flew, you grew, making us grow with you. And as much as I object, you'll never stop. While I don't want my little girl to grow, I can't wait. I'm so excited to see you become the elegant, intelligent, sassy young woman you are meant to be. I see it every day. Goodness you're stubborn...You're silly, cute, stubborn, and you poop all the time! Those horror stories about blow-outs and you smearing poop all over the living room? Totally true. I'm not exaggerating in the least. That's a story for another day.

So to sum up my story, the day you were born was a day I will never forget. It's a day your father may forget but just the date. Not the experience. Mae, remember who you are. Remember that we love you. We always will. And we'll always see you as that gushy little new born with that scrunched up face. My November baby...

Here's to November Babies!

Never Change.

My Sweet Girl

To My Sweet Girl,

Oh Mae. Mae Neva Morrison. That name brings joy to my heart. I've been trying very hard to decide how to put every little action you do and every emotion that I feel into words. And while this isn't much, it's the best that I can do. I love to write. And I hope one day you'll love to read. Because there's a lot I have to share.

How to begin...I'll start with the present. So many people seem to start with the past. I usually do as well. But I think I'll switch it up. Each day, you get closer and closer to walking. You're all over the place, crawling as fast as your chubby thighs will take you and pulling yourself up on everything. What more could a baby want? Things to chew on. And oh boy do you love to chew on everything. Keys, the table, diapers (clean or dirty), rarely toys, mom and dad. Those teeth are sharp! You show no mercy. I should have known you'd be an energetic one. The first time I felt you move was at 14 weeks. Your Grandma Maureen loves to call you a 'mover and a shaker'. I told everyone, "she's really active!" and their response was "this is your first baby, you can't tell the difference." Oh yes I could! You were all over the place. You really enjoyed being up in my ribs. And the only thing that would put you in your place was your daddy's help. But as soon as he would stop, you were right back. Little Monster... 

Not only are you getting ready to take those first steps, you're eating so many new foods, you're blabbering all the time, you're smiling and giggling and making the most adorable noises. Even your little putt-putt farts are cute. Your personality is shining through more and more. And I have the privilege to be your mother. I am in awe at the blessings that I've lost count of since your father and I found out we would soon have a beautiful baby. Oh Mae. How you've blessed our lives. You gave my life meaning. You are making me a better wife, mother, and all around human being. You've only been on this earth for 10 months but you've given me a lifetime of happiness. How will we ever repay you...?

We'll shower you with kisses, we'll love and protect you. Your daddy will treat you like the princess you are and show you how to find a good man through how he treats me. We will make sure you know that you are and always will be our little girl no matter what you do. We will dry your tears and we will always be there to fight away your nightmares. We will love you forever Mae. And when I say forever, I don't mean until we die. I don't mean until you die. 

I mean until the end of time.

And we can only hope that Eternity will be enough time to show you the full extent of our love and appreciation for you. Your daddy always whispers to you when we put you down to sleep "You'll always be my little girl." And you will Mae. In our eyes, you will always be this chubby angel who smiles when daddy jumps out from behind the couch. You'll always be the baby who crawls as fast as you can under the table when mommy says "I'm gonna get you!" All the Cheerio's you scatter across the house, all the poopy diapers you pile up, and all those nights you've snuggled with me. I will always remember those. I will always hold those in my heart and when you drive me crazy, I'll try my best to remember that you are my little girl.

Mae, I love you. Your father loves you. And I know that your Father in Heaven loves you. I know He loves me because He sent you to us. And we'll do our best to make sure you know how much He loves you. 

So let the letters begin. Let me pour my love out to you in the best way I know how despite all I do for you throughout the day. I hope that one day you read these and you feel a fraction of my love for you through these words.

Dearest Mae. 

Never Change